Get On Your JOB!!!!
Today a question came up concerning a couple who's gap in sex was over four months (insane, I know). I was not in a position to pry into the details even further, and if I did it would only be one-sided. But in recollecting numerous conversations and readings, I recalled an article estimating that twenty-five percent of women feel that sex with their mate is a 'chore'. Now before I fly off of the proverbial handle let me release my personal disclaimer.
- If he cheated or lost the woman's trust somehow and she is working things out to rebuild the relationship or marriage I am not referring to you. You already have enough on your plate.
- If he is abusive (verbally or physically) I am not talking to you, and praying you find your way out to a better situation.
- If he has the sexual skill level of a snotty-nosed second grader, then you have my deepest sympathy and condolences for the death of your sex life....and NO, I am not referring to you either.
A chore is defined as an unpleasant or burdensome task. How does sex with the person you supposedly love digress to such a low point? I have heard and read about how life takes on new meaning as time goes on, but does inserting a child, career, or a little weight gain into the relationship immediately translate into a frigid woman who's sexiest statement is,'let's go ahead and get this over with?' The origin of the relationship is overlooked for the here and now, and 'what have you done for me lately' attitude in efforts to delay the inevitable. Strategically placing roadblocks, stumbling stones, and emotional hurdles between a horny man and the unobtainable dangling carrot......his woman's passion. Which she has compartmentalized away like a first aid kit....only use when there is an emergency and use as little as possible to avoid kit depletion. But in the end she loves him...just not enough to consider or accept the alternative. That sex is just that important to her man.
Einstein said that women marry men hoping they will change and men marry women hoping they will not. Let that marinate on your brain for just a second. You want him to love you for who you are and yet he loves you for the woman that he met. The woman who would sex him every chance they had, performing every exploratory sexual option that he desired. Who tossed in a 'quickie' or some oral during half-time of the football game....just because. The woman who unconsciously recognized that her character, charm, wit, good looks, smarts, and loving attitude coupled with a feverish sexual appetite reeled him in hook, line, and sinker. But now that he is in the boat flapping around, the fever has subsided and you forgot what bait you used to to get him in the first place. Shaking my head in disgust and in the words and tone of my younger brother, "I swear...."
If you view it as a chore, then eventually he won't want your disgruntled sex either. You will view it as a way out, and he will view it as justification to risk everything to feel desired. (Insert cyber-smack) Wake up woman, turn your chore into a labor of love and get over it, because as soon as he emotionally detaches himself from the situation he will either leave or seek instant gratification via flirting/cheating.
There are many women who will read this and say, 'This isn't true", or "This will never be me." But it is true, and probably was or will be you at some point along the way. Women are more emotionally wired than men, and if sex is not prioritized....then (insert drum roll) you have just become the woman who finds sex a chore. So just as when you were younger, I suggest you complete your chores before you go out to play.
Come join the conversations: MCAR
You can also pick up a copy of my book Male Insight - Bridging The Gap
Thank you for reading....
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