The Fighter....in relationships

Fighters. They are typically not fighters by choice, but by circumstance. And if they stay that way long enough, well then it eventually will become all that they know. And all that they are. A way of life. Every inch of the journey, every bit of respect that was earned, and every reward was a fight of some sort to get to this point in life. A survivor, and their skills acquired along the way have served them well.

Now don't get me wrong, we are all fighters in some regard, but a true fighter always has their guard up. Even when not necessary. Just in case. Strike first, because losing is not an option. They have been knocked down and counted out enough times. Fought back when most others would have been broken, and somehow they made it through. And with each step forward, vowing with everything in them never to go down again.

It is these struggles that make fighters attractive as mates. Their resilience. Their passion. Their determination. Their strength. All qualities that make you gravitate towards them and love them immensely. You identify with their pain and desire to comfort them. You are inspired by their experiences of triumph.



You marvel at what they have accomplished in spite of the obstacles and odds. All that they have been through to even get to the point of meeting you. You? Yes You. A mutual interest has given you both a chance to get to know each other.

Their guard is down and they are letting you in. Letting you in behind the battered proverbial walls and into a beleaguered heart that aches. Past the smile that says I am great and doing well, into a mind and soul that grows weary. And it is within that instant you realize how special you are to be granted such access. What shall you do? How shall you handle such a gift?

Patience. Patience. Patience. More Patience. Understanding. And more Patience. Did I say Patience?

Patience because you will learn many things about a fighter. The same passion that makes things so beautiful, is the same passion that works against the relationship when there are rough patches. Patience. Most fighters view constructive criticism as attacks. Remember, strike first because losing is not an option. Don't take it personal, it is not your fault. I know, easier said than done. It is what has become a natural reaction. Hard to unlearn. Patience. You will also learn that most fighters have internal battles as well. Conflicts of what caused them to become a fighter in the first place. Awkward internal moments of how to process kindness without analyzing it as a potential threat. Patience. Internally they want to be less of a fighter and struggle with how to accomplish that AND still be as strong as they have become. Love is patient, and if you embark on THIS relationship journey....stock up on patience for a bumpy ride.

A bumpy ride, that if handled well pays off in large dividends. You cannot meet a fighter with the same force that they may lash out with. It is at that point you become the enemy. You must meet them with an "open hand, mind, and heart" and build trust. This trust takes time like any relationship, but with a fighter in the early stages that trust will be fragile. It will need time to grow to undo what has become natural. To fight.

Remember all of the great things I mentioned about a fighter? Imagine all those things as a mate and an ally? Someone who will fight battles with you side by side, and in some cases fighting your battles harder than you. Someone who believes in you even when you may not believe in yourself. Are they a bit of work? Yes! But they are worth every ounce of time and energy spent.

Some of you reading this and recognizing yourself as the fighter. If that is the case, cut your mate some slack. They are trying as best they can to love you just the way you are.

Come join the conversations: MCAR

You can also pick up a copy of my book Male Insight - Bridging The Gap

Thank you for reading....