Soooooo......what are we doing?
We can all go out and meet someone who is physically attractive to us. That typically won't be enough to sustain anything lasting, but it is a start. And somewhere in between that initial attraction and the next stage of a relationship, many of us get lost.
Date after date.
Time and energy given.
Days. Weeks. Months. And for some years can go by....before you stop and ask yourself, "Sooooo...what are we doing?"
Now some of you are reading this and saying, "That could never be me." Riiiiiiiiiiight. But this has been us all at some point. Not wanting to rock the boat of good vibes by attempting to define the numerous good thoughts, kisses, sexual encounters, time spent, and budding or full blown feelings that have developed.
They told you, "Let's just see where this leads" and you agreed. The problem with this is, where you see it going and where they may see it going is possibly two different directions; or the same direction but at different speeds. In my book I call this area The Gray. Things are not black and white and quite foggy. The Gray tends to keep you at bay, and has the ultimate escape clause. The Gray tends to offer all the benefits, but no commitment. Also no expectations can legitimately be placed on either party, because nothing has been defined to base them on. Hence the previously mentioned escape clause. Savvy yet savage. And being caught on the wrong side of The Gray is one of the most demoralizing feelings in the history of relationships. Causing you to wonder....how in the world did I get here.
Again you ask yourself, "So what are we doing?" You have tried in the most subtle of ways to ask them, but you have gotten the same Confucius-type answer. Now you are just as confused as before and, with more questions than you started with. Or you have waited so long to ask, you find out that you are both on totally different pages as to what you are doing. In both cases, that sinking feeling is setting in. But here is the kicker.....you are emotionally vested now.
Almost a self made Catch 22.....
What should you do?
ROCK THAT BOAT and have a moment of clarity. Or many moments of clarity. If you asking for clarity tips the boat over, then that vessel wasn't going to carry you very far anyway. Swim away. The shark was actually in the boat with you. Dating with 'Intent' should be the gear switched to once you have recognized that this is someone that you are truly interested in. Life is too short and the next day is not promised. Situation-ships? If you choose those, know that when that situation changes to wanting more for yourself, your intent will need to be clear; as well as theirs.
Because if you have intent coupled with moments of clarity, it will be rare that you have to ask your mate, "Sooooo....what are we doing?"
Come join the conversations: MCAR
You can also pick up a copy of my book Male Insight - Bridging The Gap
Thank you for reading....
Date after date.
Time and energy given.
Days. Weeks. Months. And for some years can go by....before you stop and ask yourself, "Sooooo...what are we doing?"
Now some of you are reading this and saying, "That could never be me." Riiiiiiiiiiight. But this has been us all at some point. Not wanting to rock the boat of good vibes by attempting to define the numerous good thoughts, kisses, sexual encounters, time spent, and budding or full blown feelings that have developed.
They told you, "Let's just see where this leads" and you agreed. The problem with this is, where you see it going and where they may see it going is possibly two different directions; or the same direction but at different speeds. In my book I call this area The Gray. Things are not black and white and quite foggy. The Gray tends to keep you at bay, and has the ultimate escape clause. The Gray tends to offer all the benefits, but no commitment. Also no expectations can legitimately be placed on either party, because nothing has been defined to base them on. Hence the previously mentioned escape clause. Savvy yet savage. And being caught on the wrong side of The Gray is one of the most demoralizing feelings in the history of relationships. Causing you to wonder....how in the world did I get here.
Almost a self made Catch 22.....
What should you do?
ROCK THAT BOAT and have a moment of clarity. Or many moments of clarity. If you asking for clarity tips the boat over, then that vessel wasn't going to carry you very far anyway. Swim away. The shark was actually in the boat with you. Dating with 'Intent' should be the gear switched to once you have recognized that this is someone that you are truly interested in. Life is too short and the next day is not promised. Situation-ships? If you choose those, know that when that situation changes to wanting more for yourself, your intent will need to be clear; as well as theirs.
Because if you have intent coupled with moments of clarity, it will be rare that you have to ask your mate, "Sooooo....what are we doing?"
Come join the conversations: MCAR
You can also pick up a copy of my book Male Insight - Bridging The Gap
Thank you for reading....
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